


I could count the ways that I have memorized your face

by chll51



Series: songs on shuffle [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: F/M, I just want Raven to be happy, So..., This shit is fluffy, and Bellamy to be happy, and I don't know if it's even coherent, and feel loved, and loved, and this is the result, be brave, be braven, but I needed to do something about them, but it took a week to write, i don't even know what this is, it is what it is, so I guess this is for the hiatus
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-21
Updated: 2017-06-21
Packaged: 2018-11-16 00:03:35
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11242071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chll51/pseuds/chll51
Summary: It's not that one day she wakes up and realizes that she has feelings for him.It's a culmination of everything he does.- one shot inspired by a bunch of Nashville songs





	I could count the ways that I have memorized your face

* * *

 

 

 

The thing is, Bellamy has very nice hands.

They're big, rough, and warm and they make her--well actually it's irrelevant how they make her feel--she had a dream about it once.

_(she remembers them running down her body, exploring and stroking her till she moaned, and the memory makes her blush - almost)_

Point is, he has nice hands, and when they're on her, the warmth from them makes her toes curl. 

 

 

 

 

Out of the seven that ends up in the ARK, she spends the most time with Bellamy, which makes sense given their history. They're the oldest and they've both have had their share of losses. They spend enough time together that they form an unspoken ritual where she's in her lab, keeping herself busy with whatever project she can, and he sits on the chair, reading _The Odyssey_.

Raven will die before she admits it but she's grown accustomed to his presence. It's safe, and familiar, and makes time passes faster. Plus she sorts of likes watching him read the same book over and over, and having a genuine reaction every time like it's the first time he's reading it. It's like he discovers some hidden meaning that he didn't the times before.

She thinks that he probably knows she watches him, because his lips would curve into a small smile whenever she glances his way. It occurs too often to be a coincidence, but she doesn't mind that he knows.

_Maybe._

 

 

 

 

The thing is, she has loved before, and it sucked. It was like letting someone have all parts of you and them deciding you're not enough, at least not in the way that you want to be enough.

She's not saying she's in love with Bellamy, but sometimes, she thinks it could be. The vague looks that he throws her way, the way his lips part, like there's something he wants to say on that tip of his tongue before deciding against it, and the constant support that he gives remind her of what she used to feel like around Finn before the whole dream fell apart. 

Or maybe she's making things grander than it is because they're stuck in space for six years, and he's the only decent guy around.

Either way, she loved and she lost; and she's not entirely sure that she wants to try that again with someone who's become so important to her life, in a different way than Finn was, but important enough that she doesn't want to screw it up.

She has lost so many she cared about, and she'll be damned if he becomes another one on that list.

 

 

 

 

"Can we talk?"

Raven takes a small, quiet breath and drops the screw driver in her hands. "Yeah, sure."

Echo walks toward her. Shoulders slouch, and eyes downcast, "This is probably really stupid but," she says; there's hesitation in her voice. "And I feel really stupid for even asking."

Raven raises an eyebrow. "What is?" She forgets sometimes that she lacks finesse when it comes to people. She doesn't know how to be patient and coddling. Clearing her throat, she repeats in a gentler tone. "I mean, what is it that I can help you with?"

"Is there anything going on with you and Bellamy?"

Raven almost chokes on her last breath. "What?"

"You guys seem close," Echo says, "And I don't want to step on any toes."

Well, that she doesn't know what to say. They do spend an awful amount of time together, she supposes, or did, because the past couple of days, she's been too embarrassed to be around him without wanting to combust.

"If there is--"

"We're friends," Raven interrupts. It's a lie, but the numbers don't lie. It could end in disaster, and Raven can't have that. "He and I are friends. That is all." 

The way Echo's face light up makes her cringes. "Because if you haven't noticed, everyone in this damn station has paired up and between me and you, I could use a little fun for the next six years."

 

 

 

 

He's groggy with eyes that are barely opened after she knocked on the door past midnight. Apparently he doesn't sleep with a shirt on, something she pushes out of her mind because she doesn't need another reason to stare at him more than she already does. "Try this," she tries to contain her glee as she hands him a small cup. "I made wine."

He rubs his eyes tiredly. "Raven, do you know what time it is?"

"Do you know what a shirt is?" asks Raven.

"Cute," he says, then sighs. "Will it kill me or make me regret it?"

She rolls her eyes and gestures him to take a sip. 

He quietly obliges because if he's honest, he doesn't say  _no_ very often to her. "This is what you've been doing the past month? Figuring how to get drunk in space?"

"I was bored," she shrugs. "What can I say?"

He grins; she melts a bit inside. "You do know that we now have to share this with everyone right?" 

She mutters a  _whatever_ and  _I know_ with feigned annoyance.

 

 

 

 

"You're an idiot."

Raven perks up at Murphy's voice. "What?"

He rolls his eyes. "You heard me."

Ruffled, she straightens and leans into the wall. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Really? We're just gonna pretend that you've not spent the last fifteen minutes shooting daggers at Echo and Bellamy? " 

Fuck, was she that obvious? Then again who would believe Murphy's words anyway.

"Look, I know we're not friends or anything--"

"Is there a point?"

Sighing, Murphy continues, "All I'm saying is, they might not be friends but they are stuck together so they might as well play  _nice;_ and if you rather be the one that he plays  _nice_ with, better make that known. _"_

 

 

 

 

Murphy's words are like horrible songs that she can't get out of her head. It doesn't help that Bellamy's excitedly rambling on about _Icarus_ and  _the Sun_ and she's been staring at his lips, wondering how it would feel to press it against hers because it's been awhile since she's kissed someone. Stuck in this place, the chance of that happening is now slim to none, and he's not helping with his shirtless routine, or his hands, or and the way his shirt keeps stretching as he explains to her the story behind it. So she thinks, maybe she should take Murphy's advice. Inhaling a deep breath, she calls out his name and waits till he takes a pause. When he says a simple _yeah_ , she pulls him down for a kiss, and it feels right. Like she was supposed to do this; because Bellamy is kind, and he has a light in his eyes when he talks about the things and people that he loves; because when she's with him, she's a bit brighter too. When she pulls away, his brows pucker together all confused. "It's a kiss," she explains to ease his worries, and holds his hand. "I just wanted--"

He doesn't let her finish as he returns her kiss with one of his own. He holds her like she's made of glasses, and kisses like he's searching for air. Before either can stop it, they strip down to nothing. Well, he in his boxer and she in her bras and panties. "Just like old times," she whispers against his lips before falling into bed with him. "Nothing more and nothing less."

Except that's a lie.

 

 

 

 

Nothing between them change, sort of.

He still comes to her lab and reads. She still does experiments. 

Only now, he's a bit braver when they're alone. Sometimes, he will kiss her shoulders, her neck or behind her ears to let her know of his intentions.

One some days, she even lets him screw her against her work station.

 

 

 

 

They throw a celebration after the first harvest. It's also to commemorate that they have survived a little more than two months in space without wanting to kill one another. That in itself is a feat.

Everyone begins to pair up once they have enough alcohol in their system. Monty and Harper, Murphy and Emori, and from the corner of her eyes, she sees Echo scooting closer to him. Raven blames it on the alcohol when her mood takes a downward turn. She then tries to wash it away with another sip while her eyes stay on them both. Echo's face is flushed and so is Bellamy when he gives her a half grin. They might have bad history but they have survived something like an apocalypse together, so maybe people do move on from things. When Echo then runs a hand up his arms, Raven tastes jealousy in her mouth and she has to remind herself that she doesn't own him. He's his own person and for all she knows, he's just being friendly.

Then Bellamy catches her eyes and gives her a questioning look. He mouths _are you alright_ and she could only nod because the next thing she knows, she's on her feet. She could feel his eyes watching her so she turns back and says in her most nonchalant voice, "I have a headache. I'm gonna go lie down." She then takes her leave, hoping that her words appease him enough not to follow.

_(he knocks on her door half an hour later to check in, and she pretends that she's asleep)_

 

 

 

 

Finn told her once that she needs something to fiddle with when she's angry. Otherwise she would just punch people. Turns out, she doesn't have to be just angry. Restlessness is a good reason to bury herself in work even if she ends up thinking about useless things, like Echo and Bellamy. Bellamy and Echo. Bellamy and his hands. Bellamy and his shoulders. The list goes on. There's a knock on the door and she curses under her breath. It's closed for a reason, she thinks before calming herself down. "Come in." 

Bellamy walks in with a book in his hands. "You busy?"

"No, I just got all these tools out for fun," she deadpans, even though she's pretty sure she can hear her heart thumping loudly in her chest. She wonders if she's the only one. 

"Cute." Then he looks around the room, before clearing his throat. "I've missed you." It's not a declaration of love because they're _friends_ with something, but it's enough to make her heart skips a beat. "I feel like you've been avoiding me."

"I'm not," she answers and turns back to her work station. If she stares at him long enough, she might just blurt out the first thing on her mind. "I just lost track of time. You know how I can be with my projects." It sounded like an excused that she has rehearsed and it is, and part of it, maybe, is that she really doesn't want to dig deep as to why it never works out for her, this love thing. All the people she cares for leave one way or another; and she's terrified that he could be another one of those  _lost loves_. 

"Raven." He then places a hand on her shoulders and gently sways her around. "What's wrong?"

She answers, "I'm fine."

"Look at me," he says as he brings his hands up to her cheeks. She holds her breath when he gently strokes behind her ear and peers down at her. "Whatever it is, you can tell me. We're a team."

 _Oh fuck it_ , she thinks and tiptoes to kiss him. He stiffens then opens his mouth for her to enter. He tastes like home, and wine; but when her hand tugs at the hem of his shirt, he stops her. "This is probably real shit timing but I want you to know something," he says, and steps back. "I'm tired of sneaking around."

She thinks that she must have heard him wrong. "Wait--what?"

His cheeks turn a shade redder. "I want you. Not a half ass kind of way. Like you, all of you, you know? And if you don't feel the same way--"

"What about Echo?"

He has a dumbfounded look on his face. "What about her?"

"Well, I thought you--"

His face turns pale like he just swallowed a pill. "No, no, no, oh god no, I don't think I could see her in any other way, other than, you know, Echo." Then his face brightens. "Did you think--"

"In my defense, she did tell me that she was interested in you."

"Wait-was that before or after you slept with me?"

"You know, I actually don't remember." 

He rolls his eyes and reaches for her hands. "Come here," Bellamy says, pulling her toward him. "Does that mean that we can stop pretending that we aren't screwing each other?"

Raven smiles. "You're mine," she then gives a light kiss to his jawline. "Any questions?"

"None whatsoever," he says before capturing her mouth again and takes all that he can.

Maybe six years won't be too bad.

 

 

 

 

"What are you smiling about?" Murphy asks with a distrusting look after spotting Echo skipping down the hall.

She shrugs, then replies with a secretive smile. "Oh nothing. Absolutely nothing."

 

 

 

 

_\- fin_


End file.
